The affects of losing a father at a young age

Blog 8 – Session 5

Diamond in my 5th session with Shana : was realising that the things that I missed about your dad was the things that I were missing in my relationships. That added to my relationships that never worked out. Divorced twice. All I ever wanted was love, trust, protection as apposed to abuse, communication, someone that will support my dreams and goals.

During the counseling sessions sometimes digging deep can bring back many things we bury or overlook. Talking about the past and talking about my daddy who passed away years ago is two different things. This topic really cut deep.

On the 22 October 1996 my father passed away. This year he will be gone 24 years and still, it feels like yesterday. The pain is still real. I remember coming home late from a tech class friend. Think we where all working on some group project or something. As I got home I remember getting out of the car and my male cousin walk up to me and gave the news. I didn’t show any reaction and I think he repeated it. By them people came streaming out the house to take me inside. I remember not being dressed appropriately and was asked to change. My father worked away from the house at that time. He passed away on the job so they had to fly his body back and we waited till almost midnight I think. By the time they brought his body into the lounge. We had a few minutes to greet him. before I knew it the body was removed the same night to go bury.

I remember before he left on his work trip. He would not leave the house unless he found a specific photo of me and one of my mother. He kept hugging me and I’m trying to get him to go so that I can leave for Technical College. Had I known that was the last time I would see him I would never have rushed him out the door. (I closed the door to my happiness)

There was no grieving process. I went to work the very next day. As everything was normal. It was as if he was still working away.

I was his princess, his everything. I’m the only child and being his daughter made him very protective over me.

He never raised me to be a quitter. He taught me how to tell time and how never waste it, taught me not give up but rather to keep trying even if you fail a few times (I remember him holding on to my bicycle running alongside me). He taught me how to drive a car so that I can be independent. He set the bar high. He always said “the day I close my eyes I want to be independent, you need to take my place and look after your mother, stand on your own feet. He said “My girl help your husband one day, don’t ever depend on him and expect everything from him, be supportive to him, I’m tough on you because I’m raising you to be the best wife and support to your future husband”

He gave me so much happy memories. He was very supportive and very encouraging. If I had a choice of helping mom in the kitchen or helping him with his carpentry work, I would definitely choose him. He was my life. he was my everything and when he died he took my happiness with him because he was my happiness. I didn’t know how to find happiness on my own or with someone else. This is my challenge that I need to be aware of and work on going forward.

I guess through the loss of father and his sudden death and all the other disappointments in my life. I have adopted the stoic approach to life’s challenges without even knowing it.

Stoicism – The endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.

Often I have heard how cold I am. I can’t explain how I can just cut off and problem solve through all my obstacles that I’m faced with. Hopefully this video clip below will explain it all.

I so relate with the YouTube clip below. If you relate please comment below.

Have a wonderful week ahead filled with happiness, peace of mind, tranquility and faith.

Lotsa love and blessings

Zainab Achmat

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Comments - 2

Oemayma Jattiem

Oemayma Jattiem

This journey of gaining closure on past experiences seems to be a very difficult one. Opening wounds that you’ve avoided for so long. It is a very brave challenge to face.
In the process you’re inspiring others to also lay it all bare and deal with the demons instead of running away from them.
We’re rooting for your success in this process and all your endeavors❤️

Oct 20, 2020 10:41 am Reply
Zainab Achmat

Zainab Achmat

I appreciate your comments. It makes me happy that I can reach out get people to journey with me. My wish is for people to fear their past. Instead take the lessons from it and build a better brighter future.

Oct 21, 2020 12:18 am Reply

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